Attack of the Zombie Never Trumpers!

Who knew that Rich Lowry and Jonah Goldberg and Erick Erickson were still alive?

Word reached my ears in the last few weeks that a group of people who are technically still alive but long dead in the world of conservative media can be heard moaning about me again. It’s the Attack of the Zombie Never Trumpers!

Many of them crawled out of their graves recently to claim that my piece on the suspicious Georgia primary elections was crazy! A half-baked conspiracy theory — they said! Pure insanity — they whined!

Of course, obvious election fraud in Georgia was uncovered the very next day. And then more election fraud took place openly in Fulton County a few days later. In fact, DeKalb County and Fulton County have both had their elections results overturned long after the primaries were over!

Timing is just not a thing for the zombie Never Trumpers.

The triple-chinned Erick Erickson was the first to set aside his failed theology studies — along with his personal war against carbs — to attack me in his Substack blog:

Emerald Robinson is the Albert Einstein of political analysts and reporters, if Albert Einstein had been an insane mentally disabled mute with one eye and a lobotomy. Donald Trump is citing her as proof Georgia’s election was stolen. Brian Kemp, you see, got over 74% of the vote.

The problem for Erickson is that he can read website traffic numbers like everybody else — and nobody cares about his opinions anymore. He got tossed from Red State after he got too big for his britches and tried to exile Donald Trump from the GOP for insulting Megyn Kelly of all things. (Apparently, President Trump forgave Ericksen in 2019 but Ericksen’s audience never did.) While Ericksen is technically still alive, he’s actually dead in media. So, yes, I am the Albert Einstein of political analysts and reporters compared to Erick Ericksen.

I was surprised to see that Rich Lowry also dismissed my piece on election fraud in Georgia in one of his bloodless articles for Politico — but that’s because not even Rich Lowry still thinks he’s alive and relevant. Have you seen his publicity photos?

Let’s give Rich Lowry this much: at least he’s honest enough to admit that he’s a cadaver.

If you need further confirmation that Rich Lowry is not actually among the living, just read his Politico piece for yourself. It’s the summer of 2022, and Washington beta-males like Rich Lowry are still trying to convince you that Donald Trump doesn’t have a future in politics. It’s unbelievable!

And by that phrase I do mean: it’s impossible to believe.

I had never encountered any zombies, to be honest, until I stumbled onto Lowry’s Politico pieces — and read his prose which is neither living nor dead. His articles are not just poor — they’re pallid. Lowry is so obviously bereft of testosterone and vitamin D and iron that even his words are weak.

Rich Lowry is apparently everyone’s favorite “conservative commentator” in Washington’s corporate news swamp and it’s easy to see why: he brings a kind of toxic femininity to the role. (That puppy doesn’t bark or bite — it just rolls over on camera!) It must help that he looks like he’s still a few hormone shots away from puberty too. In fact, when you stop and think about it, Rich Lowry is probably the pure embodiment of what liberal women really want conservative men to be in their West Wing fantasies: awkward geeks who are easy to push around in conversation, and frightened of sunlight.

That would explain why Lowry is always picked as the delicate flower that doesn’t scare the libs on the Sunday shows.

In case you’re not familiar with his entire career, Lowry is also the hapless man-boy who almost single-handedly destroyed the prestige of a well known conservative magazine — while losing more than half of its subscribers during the Trump years — before turning over the smoking ruins of that magazine recently to a helium-voiced pipsqueak who voted for Biden. That’s what they’ll etch on his tombstone. Only Bill Buckley knows why he turned over the National Review to an albino teenager in 1997 but that was an incredibly dumb move.

Speaking of walking corpses, Jonah Goldberg took a shot at me too — and he just joined CNN! That’s some kind of world record for the Dunning-Kruger effect, and I do hope that Goldberg donates his brain to science so that researchers can discover the holes eventually. In the meantime, I am sending a copy of “Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments” to Jonah’s house for some light reading in-between those televised Zoom calls with Jeffrey Toobin.

How bad is it for Jonah? Well, even Brian Stelter knows that Jonah Goldberg and Stephen Hayes are totally irrelevant in conservative media now. (Ouch — that’s gotta hurt when Brian Stelter says you’re dead!) If you’re worried about what the COVID pandemic did to your lifestyle in the last two years, relax. It could have been much worse. Just look at what it did to Jonah!

Goldberg has fallen very far and very fast in the world and hubris has been the lube that greased those skids all the way. A prominent Washington think tank expert once told me a remarkable anecdote about Goldberg and Stephen Hayes back in 2016. While Trump was busy beating Hillary Clinton, these two magazine editors were busy sending out dinner invitations to other reporters to inform them that any pro-Trump media people who came to town would be targeted and drummed out of the business. Their self-appointed mission, in other words, was to stop Trump, not Hillary. Goldberg was still at the National Review, and Hayes was running the Weekly Standard — and both of them believed that they controlled conservative journalism in America.

Now they’re both a donut or two away from starring in Jenny Craig diet commercials.

Here’s another truth that tells you immediately that these middle-aged corpses are undead: the only thing that really re-animates them is trashing Trump. They crawled out of their couch-graves and their basement office crypts when the President sent out my article on Georgia. America is in the middle of a collapse created by the Biden regime, but these one-note zombies are still whining “Orange Man Bad!” Trump-hatred has not only destroyed these guys, and rotted out their brains, but it’s even consuming them now beyond the grave of their failed media careers.

Erick Erickson and Rich Lowry and Jonah Goldberg and Stephen Hayes will be jabbering away about the dangers of Donald Trump long after you, and your kids, and your grandkids have gone to meet their Maker.

So warn your friends. Warn your neighbors. These foul creatures will haunt the podcasts and op-ed pages and green rooms of America with rotting flesh and glazed eyeballs forever.

At night, you can hear their deathless moaning.

Trump. Trump. Truuuuuuuump.

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